I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
