The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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