she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My ass is underappreciated
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
