My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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