Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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