I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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