Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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