can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
