So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
