he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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