at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
