Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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