a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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