I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
