aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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