his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
