so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
