I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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