textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
