i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
