I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
