Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
