my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
