I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
