break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
