You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
