smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
