What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
