theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
