hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
