im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
