Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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