pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
