I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
