Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
