Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
