Duck Duck Cougar?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
