In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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