It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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