1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
