6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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