Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
