this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
