i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
