Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
