I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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