I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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