I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
