Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ttyl tear gas
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
