I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
