I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
