after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
