I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
