sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
