Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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