there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
