i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
