pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
