Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
