My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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