drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
