Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
