I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
