I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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