How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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